20 Things only Penn Staters would know

UNIVERSITY PARK — There are many expressions out there in the world — clichés, maxims and rules galore — but there’s one in particular that overrides all others when it comes to Happy Valley.

“It takes one to know one.”

There are many quirks and perks here in the blue and white valley — some that only those who live here can truly know. So, without any further delay, let’s see how well you relate to the following list of things that only Penn Staters and State College townies would know.

  1. The wifi never joins immediately on Campus. The internet first connects to “psuwirelesssetup,” forcing students to take the extra minute to click on “psu” and wait for the wifi to load.
  2. There’s just something about the squirrels here. It’s hard to put your finger on it, but these little creatures are just so unafraid of humans, bounce around and run as if they have the jitters and they even dig into garbage cans like bears.
  3. THON’s best hours are the final four, where cancer survivors share their stories and the countdown brings the whole room to tears. All other hours, as important as they are, lead to hallucination, cramping, exhaustion as well as a sense of helplessness.
  4. State Patty’s is a legitimate holiday that deserves to be on all national calendars. At least, that’s the way Penn Staters treat the notorious drinking day.
  5. The Berkey Creamery’s ice cream is legitimately the best ice cream in the world. No argument.
  6. The Penn State alma mater was written by Professor “Freddy” Lewis Pattee in 1901. For years, it seems, at every football game and significant occasion, no one actually knows all the words. “For the glory of Old … Gate, is it?” 
  7. The love for Saquon Barkley is a strong love. It’s a real love. It’s an all-consuming love — and for good reason! In his three seasons, Barkley ran 3,843 yards, rushed 43 touchdowns, notched 1,195 receiving yards in eight touchdown receptions and totaled 5,557 all-purpose yards! The star running back was also on the cover of Sports Illustrated back in 2017, as well as a receiver of multiple national awards like the Paul Hornung Award, the Ameche-Dayne Big Ten Running Back of the Year and the Chicago Tribune Silver Football award. He’s likely to be the No. 1 overall pick in the upcoming NFL Draft.
  8. The Willard Preacher always has a red sweatshirt on. One wonders if it’s the same red sweatshirt or if he has one for every day of the week. He likes to teach students about God on their way to French class.
  9. You have a chance of seeing the bright blinding light of heaven every time you cross the street. Bikes and cars whiz past just as fast as life itself.
  10. No matter how late to class you are — no matter how impatient of a human being you are — you will stand on the Starbucks line at the HUB Robeson Center. No question.
  11. The Nittany Lion mascot doesn’t look like the logo on all the T-shirts and sweatshirts. Everyone else seems to have such a problem with it, but here at Happy Valley, a lion is a lion.
  12. You love and you hate and you love the “We Are” chant.
  13. There is no such thing as too much Penn State apparel. Oh, and all the gifts you bring home for friends and family … let’s just say they can expect for it all to be blue and white flavored.
  14. You meet students who chose Penn State when they themselves live in California. You don’t understand these students — especially on days when there are two Northeasters tumbling down upon you, in one week.
  15. Only for Penn State football would you will yourself to camp out the night before for first-row seats, wear nothing but a painted letter on your stomach in 40-degree weather and go through your savings to pay for season tickets.
  16. The number of news outlets matches the amount of stories there are to tell. The Daily Collegian, Onward State, The Underground — you’ll never be left wondering about the goings-on of Happy Valley.
  17. Walking from Campus to downtown is fabulous. The easy breezy walk is all down-hill. To go from downtown back to Campus? You suddenly wish Penn State could invest in a ski lift.
  18. People will constantly ask, “Do you know so-and-so? They also go to Penn State.” Last time I checked, 44,000 people attend the university. No, I don’t know so-and-so, but perhaps I was lucky enough to have them pass me by … once.
  19. There’s so much tradition brewing every day, livening up the Valley. Whether it’s Mike the Mailman, the Arboretum’s Pumpkin Festival, Homecoming Weekend, THON Weekend, State Patty’s, the Blue-White Game, hardcore tailgating, the Arts Festival — the works, Happy Valley will never disappoint.
  20. Regardless of dissenting opinion, we are the best and happiest valley in the world. Period.




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